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BRPD Blotter: MAY

A Summary of the Month’s Most ... Interesting Criminals and their Crimes


05/01 - First Blood - a monkey was taken into custody after yeeting several banano in single tips. The spam lasted only moments before the individual was pansted, tripped, and handcuffed.


05/04 - The alt of an alt of an alt of an alt was arrested, muzzled, and banned for being— you guessed it— an alt. 80% of the current BRPD task force has been issued neckbraces for excessive head shaking.


05/06 - A curious monkey became too curious while meddling in administrative affairs, and ended up in jail. Once incarcerated, the primitive creature began hurling feces at nearby guards and fellow prisoners.


05/07 - Police put a community member behind bars temporarily for being dangerously hot. Luckily, no burns were sustained while the arrest took place. Once the threat had been extinguished, the individual was released back into the general public.


05/10 - During a classic 1-10 challenge, a monkey with either bad behaviour or a bad signal sabotaged the near victory. The entire riot squad was immediately brought out and the criminal was turned to pink dust.


05/18 - A monkey wandered into the wrong jungle asking for translation help. Ironically, a miscommunication ensued and resulted in what can only be described as a total shit show.


05/26 - After multiple warnings to take their number spam games to another channel, an officer issued a mass arrest of approximately 10 monkeys. Once they were all together in the jail, guards began to spray them with water guns.


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