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As a Dik Dik, I am often so fluffy and adorable that people will just let me into anywhere. It’s pretty great as a journalist. I was eating all of the berries off a bush in front of prestigious Bannell University’s Electron Microscope Lab, when one of the Monke Scientists invited me along to one of their experiments.

Their decade long mission was to build an electron microscope so accurate and so precise that they could photograph our atoms in 4K.

Because they were monkes, they mostly built the scope out of feces and old kegs from the frat houses. That didn’t work so they just fuckin stole the microscope right out of Harvard’s lab. Fuck em, they’re rich.

What happened next absolutely floored me.

The Monke Scientist got the scope to work by plugging it in, hitting it really hard, and humping the sides. Together we were able to see the building blocks of all reality together…

As you can see, everything is made from raw unwrapped banana. This has so many implications for the meaning of life and the nature of our existence. Written in the vibrations was the mysterious word BENIS. Could this be the answer to life’s greatest questions? Only time will tell.

As always, this is your friendly Dik Dik reporter live and shitting on the Bannell Electric Engineering floor.

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