Dear BanGran: SEPTEMBER

Your sassy and straight up source of wisdom is here, and she’s got some tea to spill.

Dear BanGran as a senile old lady, do you still have need for sex? Sincerely Senile

Dear Senile,

First: Yes.. Granny likey! Second: You wouldn’t happen to be a senile old man in the same boat, would you? (Call me!)


Dear BanGran, I love bacon, do you also love bacon? Sincerely Anonymous Bacon Eater

Dear Anonymous Bacon Eater,

Yes I love bacon. I also save the drippings to make pancakes, corn bread, or add it to just about anything to give it that extra loven flavour.


Dear BanGran, I would like to know the secret of LDR or long distance relationship, I have been away from my girlfriend for a year and it has been a lot of struggle. Do you have any tip on how to survive this? Sincerely -Crazey- of the Jungle

Dear Crazy,

Congrats! You’ve got a free ticket to an emotional roller-coaster ride. Try not to stay away from each other for too long and be open and honest with each other. I hear memes keep the relationship spicy.


Dear BanGran, Is there a good way to tell my dog that his breath smells? Sincerely Down Winder

Dear Down Winder,

Woof woof Woooof Wooffff woofy woof!


Dear BanGran, If you were a type of peanut butter, what type would you be? Sincerely Extra Roasted

Dear Extra Roasted,

If I were a peanut butter, I would be nutty as all hell!


Dear BanGran, What do you make when the grandkids come to visit? Sincerely Hungry Grandkid

Dear Hungry Grandkid,

Banano bread of course.. And leave the Beernano bread for the adults!


Dear BanGran, Do birds and bees actually do it? Sincerely That’s just fucked up

Dear Fucked Up,

If there’s anything I’ve learned throughout my many years in the game, it’s that a lot of sexy things are fucked up.


Dear BanGran, is Beardless Duck the Real Colin? Sincerely The Real Beardless Duck

Dear The Real Beardless Duck,

That information is classified top secret. As a memeber of S.A.S.S. (Senile Agents’ Secret Society), if I told you, I would have to kill you.


Dear BanGran, Do you like brussel sprouts? Sincerely Don't lie to me

Dear Don't lie to me,

I don’t prepare food that looks like tiny brains.


Dear BanGran, Do you abuse your senior's discount? Sincerely Envious, frugal onlooker

Dear Envious,

You can’t afford the world’s best cookwear without shaking at least ONE thing the Good Lord gave ya!


Dear BanGran, what three habits do you recommend to be successful? Sincerely Always Improve

Dear Always Improve,

1. Always get a good night’s sleep

2. Always buy BAN

3. Always listen to ya granny


Dear BanGran, Why do I still fear hanging my feet off the bed as a full grown adult? Sincerely Not-Agile-Enough-to-Fight-Monsters

Dear Not-Agile-Enough-to-Fight-Monsters,

Everybody knows that monsters will eat your feet. Try hanging other body parts off the bed that need attention.

Random Bit of BanGran Advice, from BanGran herself, to all of you: And as always dear readers remember: If you have lost your airpods, make your earbuds wireless by cutting off the wires using a pair of pliers.

Want to get your questions answered by BanGran?

Do you ever just wish you had a sweet, supportive, sick-minded grandmother figure from which you could seek advice, guidance, or just some impartial realness with no sugar on top?

Pull up a chair at BanGran’s table, have some Banano Bread, and tell her what’s been goin’ on.

Ask BanGran questions about life, love, sex, drugs, personal and professional relationships, work, passion, things that piss you off, puzzle you, please you, provoke you, and everything in between. Get answers from the wise old lady who has more than just been around the block (if you know what we mean!)


Submit your questions to BanGran Here

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