BRPD Blotter: MARCH


A Summary of the Month’s Most ... Interesting Criminals and their Crimes

03/01: We start the month with arrest number 191919 of a certain half banano half man for his 19191919 crimes against hubanity. According to police records, Beatrice took on a life of its own and banned this user while no one was looking.

03/03: A monkey was arrested for not controlling their phobia of WAX. Misinterpreting the situation entirely, BRPD strapped the monkey‘s wrists and ankles down to an ironing board and gave them the Bikini Special.

03/04: A monkey was arrested for lying about being a new user and expecting tips. Since they were not Drew Barrymore and this is not the plot of "50 first dates", the user was tased and put in a headlock.

03/05: A monkey became intoxicated after consuming too much banana liquor in the early morning and was soon arrested by BRPD after the drunk was observed making obscene mating calls in La Jungla.

• 03/09: A cloaked flying rodent was arrested for spamming different places in Gotham Banano City. After being warned by a mod with powers greater than their own, the culprit said "sorry" in a mysterious voice and was released.

• 03/10 Bantanamo received a visit from a Sesame Street character stuffing their face with cookies. The sugar-drunk individual apparently got lost and thought they were in some hotel for fruits.

03/14: Two monkeys who didn't stop reciting poems were sent to jail after being reported for their constant screams and bad poetry in the jungle.

03/17: Opposing good behavior, a monkey was sent to the darkest dungeons. When the monkey’s jailer arrived, the monkey said "There's not enough soap for the punishment I deserve". The jailer fled the place and the monkey was released on curious terms.

03/19: Three monkey siblings were expelled from the republic after it was discovered that they were operating each others accounts. BRPD hogtied them, stuffed them in sleeping bags, and yeeted them into orbit.

03/31: After a higher power made a massive call to the Banano jungle, monkeys from different jungles arrived in what can be considered an invasion so massive that it collapsed all systems! There were shouts, fights, flags and a decision was made: Riding on a duck, BRPD swooped in and arrested 23 monkeys one after another in what is considered one of the most impressive and effective arrests in recent history.


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